


Ephemeral

by CB97soulmate



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: But isn't mentioned, Darkness, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Lee minho is the moon, Light minsung, Moon, References to Depression, Sad, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Stars, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23754502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CB97soulmate/pseuds/CB97soulmate
Summary: Han Jisung loved moonless nights they were as dark as his mind.
Kudos: 15





	Ephemeral

Moonless nights were his favorite. 

The darkness of the street hiding him, the feeling of being non-existent, that's what he called freedom. The emptiness of the city against the fullness of his mind. Han Jisung was like a star. Every stars are looking for their moons, but he wasn't. The feeling of searching for something he would never reach, he didn't find anything exhaling in that. 

He was slightly confused by the fact that people were looking for something, following a path to reach that goal. They were looking for a goal, looking for their moon. The only thing he knew was that the path he was on, was hard but it wouldn't be called life if it was easy. Never ending nights, surrounded by darkness that was all he knew. In this empty street he was, walking down the alley, following the road he knew by heart now.

He was thinking, maybe a little too much but nobody was here to blame him, in the end it was the only thing he ever knew. People often think that awful events are the only cause of downfall. They were right awful events can lead to an awful life. But what would they have said if he told them, that it was his thoughts which made his life a living hell? The fact that every hard times he had were cause by his head only. He knew he was hurting himself with these thoughts but they were somehow comforting. 

The darkness of his mind matched this moonless night. The only nights where he felt accepted. The only nights where light wasn't there. This hopeless night was his favorite. He let his mind take over him. So many thoughts flashing in his mind. So many ways to hurt himself. So many ways to feel something. They weren't foreign, he was more than familiar with them now. But he didn't want help. His mind tricked him saying that he didn't deserve it. 

And, did people really need to know how he felt? That will only result in judgement, pity, and other feelings he didn't even want to think about. They didn't notice anything that means it's not that bad, that's how he was comforting himself in these nights. He was here, sitting in the dark, the only way to ease his mind. Late night walk. Walking alone in the city was like walking in his own mind, the darkness was the same. 

Ironically the first time he sneaked out, the full moon was shining proudly in the sky, lightning the streets more than the old city lights would ever had. He remembered that night very well, despising the light that was too bright for his mind. 

Han Jisung wasn't looking for his moon he was running away from it. Running away from feelings, hope and help. Maybe he just liked the feeling of the darkness overpowering him. Maybe he was just too deep in his mind to be saved. He was just like this night, hopeless. 

He was a star. And he stopped shinning too long ago, but people didn't notice. They were too far away. And now he's gone. The darkness of his mind disappeared with the rising sun. The moonless night he loved so much has been his last night.

Even the stars are ephemeral.


End file.
